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  • Writer's pictureAndie Kantor

Remembering To Be Present

Updated: Mar 10, 2023

“Yesterday's the past, tomorrow's the future, but today is a gift.

That's why it's called the present.”

-Unknown


Dating in my late 40’s is so interesting to me.


I do not go out much due to, you know, having a 9½ year old boy child who has things like soccer practice and Hebrew school and playdates. And birthday parties. And schoolwork. And needs meals made. And all the other mom-things I actually really love doing for him. So how do I meet men?


Online dating.


I mean, how else does one meet dateable people these days?


I’ve mostly stuck to OKCupid, due to my fascination with its matching algorithm, and also if I’m being honest, I love answering the questions. I’ve ventured out to other apps here and there, but because I know at least four married couples who have met there and they seem happy, I keep coming back to OKCupid.


In the past few weeks I have been on exactly 5 dates. The first one I liked–we went to check out a dive bar near my home. He had a dog–which is always a plus for me. The day after the date I texted him to say hello and while he politely responded, he didn’t encourage a conversation after, so I let it go.


Bummer.


Three of the dates were automatic no’s. And then there was the one I thought might Turn Into Something. We went to a lovely Italian restaurant, had easy conversation that was honest and transparent. After dinner he suggested we pop into Barnes & Noble to look at books. How perfect, right?? He walked me to my car and I said that I’d like to take it slow, and would love to continue our conversation and see him again. He agreed and gave me a darn good hug. I texted him a few days later and while he responded, he didn’t continue the conversation and so neither did I. I’m not one to push things.


But, bummer.


So that happened. Twice.


Lately I’ve been talking to Dave. His pictures are cute, I like his profile, and his communication is clever and engaging. We have a very high match percentage on OKCupid. We have been chit-chatting on the phone and over text and are planning to meet this weekend at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art.


I’m enjoying spending time with him virtually, although I can’t help but wonder if he will behave the way the other two did and not call or try to connect after our date. This has occurred to me several times–as well as the normal fears I have before a date: what if he doesn’t like me, what if he, what if he, what if he. All the What If He’s.



Luckily, I caught myself. I remembered that if I am worrying about what will happen tomorrow today, I will miss out on being present during dinner with my son tonight, I will miss out on actually watching his soccer practice, and and I will miss out on enjoying my nightly rituals of getting ready for bed. If during the date I am worried about what Dave will think or do after the date, I will miss out on being present for the fun of meeting someone new, the beauty of the art we will look at, and the presence of mind to figure out whether or not I think he is a good fit for me.


If you spend your time and energy worrying about the future and what it may or may not hold, you don’t experience the present–which is where everything is currently actually happening. The present is exactly where your attention should be. Not the past, not the future.


This is a secret to living a life on purpose. When you stay in the moment, you are able to evaluate and make choices that are in tune with the vibration of where you want to be. When you stay in the moment, you lower the chance of stressing yourself over things you have no control over. When you stay in the moment you are able to appreciate what is going on in the now.


The next time you find yourself worrying about the future, the past, or the combination of the two, just breathe and remember that it’s the now that is more important. Choosing your thoughts is more important. Your vibration is more important.


You are more important.



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