“Does she know how you told me
You'd hold me until you died
'Til you died, but you're still alive
And I'm here, to remind you
Of the mess you left when you went away
It's not fair, to deny me
Of the cross I bear that you gave to me
You, you, you oughta know”
-Alanis Morrisette
I’m doing a manifesting challenge with Denise Duffield Thomas on Facebook. Monday’s work was to declutter something, so in addition to my bedroom–which looks ah-maze-ing!!!!--I went through my screenshots and deleted most of them, as she suggested.
I'm honestly still reeling from reading them for an hour and a half a few days ago. What a trip down Memory Blvd. it was, and how many accidents I witnessed again.
Like the time I randomly texted a bunch of people with a similar phone number and this was one of the responses:
And when I was trying online dating:
When my son broke his word in a super cute way:
When my obsession went a little overboard with his words of praise at 1:30 in the morning.
Lastly, when my ex-husband and I got back together the first time after he’d cheated on me the first (second?) time, and I was so open and raw with him, and he promised.
And there was so much more. I deleted so many, and I do feel I've created the intended space. It felt really good to see how many screen shots I got rid of, but it also felt like deleting some big parts of my life. I spoke to NN about it, and after some questioning on his part, I realized that I never looked at any of my screen shots anyway.
Like I said, it's a few days later and I'm still feeling off from the cleansing activity. There were some pretty hateful arguments, scary threats, declarations of love and affection, and an awful lot of cute pictures of my kid.
Lots of deep breaths. Lots.