The Middle Path

“The three little words humans love to hear more than any others are (drumroll please)...

You. Are. Right.”

-Jen Sincero

I am generally in one of three listening phases in my car: books, podcasts, or music.  I just finished the music phase and currently, I'm in the podcast phase.

I tried out one that was highly recommended the other day.  “You are doing it wrong,” she began, then stated, “and I’m going to tell you how to do it right!” My reaction to this was purely physical: I hunched my shoulders, I recoiled, my nervous system went shaky.

I listened to another podcast yesterday.  In it, the main guy was telling someone how to do something, repeating over and over again, “you HAVE to do this, and you HAVE to do that.”  I understood where he was coming from; he was touting some tried and true tenets that I have heard from many coaches before.  But the emphasis that the listener was Doing It Wrong still struck me.

Tried and true absolutely have a place in the world.  Recreating the wheel is not what I recommend.  However, you do have an internal compass.  You are absolutely allowed to listen to that compass, if you want.  You can do things your way.

The other side of this is being stuck, and only doing things your way.  I have a dear, dear friend who is very attached to her story.  “That’s just the way I am,” she’ll tell me, when I challenge her gently about something she complained about.  She is so attached to who she has decided she is that there is no room she can access right now for growth–or even happiness.  

Both extremes lead to the same place.  

Here's the thing: both of these approaches are asking you to abandon yourself.

The podcast experts want you to hand over your authority to them. "You're doing it wrong" really means "stop trusting yourself and trust me instead." And sure, maybe they have valuable information. Maybe they've walked the path before and know where the pitfalls are. But when the delivery makes your nervous system go shaky, when your shoulders hunch and you recoil—that's your body telling you something important. That's your internal compass saying "this doesn't feel right."

My friend, on the other hand, has handed her authority over to her past self. She's decided who she is, written it in permanent marker, and refuses to pick up the white-out. "That's just the way I am" sounds like self-acceptance, but it's actually self-abandonment. She's ignoring her present-moment compass—the one that's clearly pointing toward something different, something that might actually make her feel good.

The middle path asks more of you. It asks you to stay awake. To take in wisdom from people who've gone before you, to learn from tried and true methods, AND to keep checking in with yourself. Does this resonate? Does this feel true for me? You get to be both student and teacher, both open and discerning.

And here's what nobody talks about: this middle path requires you to be uncomfortable with being "wrong" sometimes. Or more accurately, with not knowing if you're right. You can't cling to the safety of the expert's certainty or the safety of "this is just who I am." You have to be willing to say, "I'm figuring this out as I go, and that's totally okay."

You can do things your way. You can also do things someone else's way. You can try on different approaches like outfits and see what fits. You can change your mind. You can grow. The question isn't whether you're doing it right or wrong—it’s whether you're paying attention while you do it. 

Here's your permission slip to figure this out–for you. You get to take what works and leave what doesn't. You get to change your mind tomorrow. You get to be both a work in progress and exactly enough, right now. The middle path isn't about getting it perfect—it's about staying awake while you walk it.

I am grateful.